Lessons Learned Along the Way

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March 6, 2018 by lucieromarin

  1. Being on the right side of a reward-and-punishment system is not the same as being loved.
  2. Being found useful is not the same as being valued.
  3. Not meaning to hurt someone is not the same as not hurting them.
  4. If he needs to ‘fix’ you – your beliefs, your dreams for your life, your face, your hair, your weight or your clothes – then he doesn’t really like you.
  5. Your good deeds today – or imagined good deeds – do not buy you the right to hurt someone tomorrow.
  6. Your good deeds – or your imagined good deeds – do not buy you the right to silence about your hurtful deeds. No one owes you a cover-up.
  7. If they cast you out as a pregnant teenager and take you in as a married woman, they don’t like you – they like your conformity to their rules for women.
  8. If you can only function in a job where you hold spiritual authority over broken people, you don’t have a talent; you have a problem.
  9. Addiction hurts people other than the addict. My addiction to his good opinion caused me to keep silent when he mocked his family, judged his parishioners, or cut off his friends. It also stopped me from seeking the viewpoint of those mocked, judged or cut off. This enabled him.
  10. My experience of the pain of a deliberately-withheld apology gives me not only the right to articulate that pain, but the duty to avoid causing it to others. This has been a tough lesson. Apology is not my favourite thing. I can quite see why he dodges it.

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