Ten Things that Ought to Exist


November 12, 2013 by lucieromarin

1. A rest-home for the burnt-out and the broken-hearted. This has been a dream of many years for me, unfulfilled mainly because I can’t afford a house, and also because I’m not sure exactly how it would work. I mean, how would people book their places? Or should the mistress of the house just let Providence send the guests her way? I am sure that the house should include a giant library, lots of garden space (and plenty of distance from the neighbours), lots of trees, and no forced jollity.

2. A rest-home for burnt-out priests. See above, but priests only, and only one or two guests at a time. I mean, you don’t want people to feel like they’re in some kind of hospital or halfway house.

3. A fourth Bourne movie, entitled ‘The Bourne Confession.’ Remember the brief flashback near the end of the third movie, which revealed that, before his re-programming, Jason Bourne had been a Catholic? Well, obviously, once he gets his memory back, he has to to go Confession just to deal with his Bourne years. And of course, the confessional is bugged. And the bad guys come after the priest. So it’s really a movie about a priest suddenly being on the run and turning out to be cool (I mean, other than sacramental superpowers cool).

4. A comic strip featuring two characters – Actus and Potentia. Actus is a boy and Potentia is a girl. Too bad if you think that’s offensive (because maybe ‘potency’ doesn’t sound as powerful as ‘act’, even though without potency movement would be impossible); that’s just how it’s meant to be!

5. A Batman story  (the ‘old’ Batman – I mean before the new 52) in which Batman happens upon a religious sister in a dark alley in the middle of the night – and it turns out they’re hunting the same villain. It also turns out, at the end of the story, (during which the Sister gets to give him a serve about his many annoying traits), that she’s been bilocating from a distant monastery the entire time. Ha!

6. More exorcists. A lot more.

7. An umbrella that doesn’t turn inside-out in the wind.

8. A religious order dedicated to the conversion of traffickers (and their customers.) Is an Order too much to ask? I mean, if a religious order was founded to make reparation for sins committed during the French Revolution (I forget the order’s name; it exists; it’s small, though), surely this cause can have an Order, too? See, the problem isn’t going to go away until the buyers and sellers themselves convert – and how much grace is that going to take?

Because the other thing to consider is that someone has to pay the price for every conversion, which means either religious life or martyrdom. And I know I’m not founding an Order, so if no one else does, I’m going to have to pay the price for this conversion after the manner of my patron saint.

9. A blog about headcoverings, called ‘Tichel My Fancy.’

10. An ankle-length skirt that is actually reaches my ankles.

9 thoughts on “Ten Things that Ought to Exist

  1. Team Alto says:

    Who is your patron saint, and what was the manner of her death? Enquiring minds want to know.

    • lucieromarin says:

      Yes, it is as Cojuanco says – the really ominous thing is that every other Saint Lucy was beheaded, too…with the single exception of St Lucy Filippini, who was a teacher. Beheading or teaching – which is worse?! (I should have said that I meant my name-patroness, rather than my confirmation saint, who is Saint Scholastica.)

  2. Cojuanco says:

    Saint Lucy. They ran a sword through her and gouged her eyes out. Originally they were just going to drag her to a brothel and rape her, but they could not move her, even though they hitched her to oxen.

  3. Io says:

    I used to have an idea about religious burnout ladies living together in the same house. That never happened for me, but packing up all your stuff and moving to Scotland for a while–the best place on earth to feel sorry for yourself and mourn your demons–followed by enforcing boundaries between yourself and the “super-Catholics” works wonders. 🙂 (Moving to Scotland not actually required.)

    • lucieromarin says:

      I can imagine us all just flopping around the house doing nothing(including housework- too exhausted!) and then taking it turns to stride across the rugged landscape, looking soulfully into distances atop craggy mountains…

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