Today is the Feast of a saint much-loved by one of my least favourite people in the whole wide world, and the thought occurred to me (regrettably) that it would be very holy to mark the feast by praying for her.

I tried. First, I managed, “Lord, may she recover quickly after being hit by a bus.”

It wouldn’t do.

Some time later, I tried again: “May she find solace in the companionship of her loving family after being bitterly rejected by the rest of society.”

No…I knew that didn’t count.

The onset of migraine followed (probably not her fault.)

Several hours later, I made it to, “Lord, I have issues. May my issues not stand in the way of her getting to heaven.” I guess this was more like it, but it still didn’t seem right (especially as I don’t really think God keeps people out of Heaven just because I don’t like them). Finally, I decided that even if prayer is supposed to take us beyond what we want and feel, it cannot possibly mean not being truthful about what we want and feel.

So, I managed, “May justice be given to her victims, and mercy to her soul. Saint Gertrude, pray for her.”

I think that should satisfy all parties, and I’m sticking with it.

(Not that I, like, negotiate my prayers or anything.)